I've been burping butterflies in anticipation of sharing my writing. Thank you in advance for taking a look. Please let me know what you think. I'd appreciate any criticisms.
Thank you to everyone who read and commented on my chapter. As it has been rewritten, multiple times, since I posted it I am removing this old version for now.
I really like this sample. I think you have a wonderful voice and a great command of the world that you have created.
ReplyDeleteI am not a fan of the fantasy genre, but I feel that you did a good job of transporting me to this world. I like how it has new things but it gives me a opportunity to connect with the world that we live in. So it isn't totally new.
I have always heard that the opening of a novel/story should have some type of hook or other event that captures the readers attention. I am not sure that a girl balancing rocks with magic is compelling in this genre. In a romance or thriller novel, yes that might capture the readers attention. But, in a fantasy novel, I am actually expecting something like that. So I don't feel any particular drama there. I think the part where Altera suddenly bolts from the school room to defend the city is very compelling and full of drama/tension/and story questions. Just an thought.
Also, I am personally not a fan of first person POV. But you pull it off very well and I have no issues with this. To me it is hard for me to write in this style and not have the character come off as arrogant or selfish. But you pull it off very well, don't change a thing.
It is tough to give so much detail about the world so early in the story. It is tough to keep the story moving while doing an information dump. You do this very well, but you might consider starting off with more story and less information. Just another suggestion.
Very nice job. I like it.
Thank you for your comments and your suggestions. I have really struggled with the beginning as I feel it is so important to getting people to read my novel. I will consider your suggestions as I edit it the next time. I have been thinking about how to better spread the information out.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliments. You really made my day. :) I feel like I got my first review.
It is a wonderful experience. I can't wait to read the final product.
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